Guys, I’m struggling to figure out exactly how to put into words what I’m feeling. A lot has been going on recently. Like I mentioned, I had a seriously tough day last week. Quite honestly, each day since has been pretty tough as well.
I’m not asking for sympathy. So many people go through what I’m going through, and so many people are going through much worse than what I am. My point of posting this is to explain myself. Explain why I need a little break. Why I need to take some time to focus on what is important.
My dad was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s disease.
Originally, when he was taken to see a neurologist a few months ago, we were told that he had Hydrocephalus, which is basically fluid that is pressing on your brain. A surgery would have been needed to fix the problem, but it was curable. We were told that my dad would be back to normal as soon as he had the surgery.
Before I go on, let me explain that my parents have been divorced since I was nine. Although they have not had the best relationship since then (to put it nicely), my mom stepped up to help him once we found out he was sick. She really is a saint, and has done everything in her power to help him. She put all differences aside these past few months simply to take the burden off my brothers and I.
Well, last week my mom noticed that things were getting rapidly worse, so she took him to the emergency room. It was only then that they did more tests and called us with the news that it was not, in fact, fluid on his brain, but at the age of 62, he had early onset Alzheimer’s. Not only that, but it is rapidly progressing.
The hospital admitted him and declared him incompetent of living by himself… meaning that the hospital will not release him until we find a place for him. A place for my 62-year-old dad to live. A nursing home.
Bobby and I went on Saturday and Sunday afternoon to visit him at the hospital, and it was heartbreaking.
The saddest part?
It wasn’t that he looked so frail and lost in his little room.
It wasn’t that he was reading the same newspaper over and over again and commenting on each story as if it were the first time he was seeing them.
It wasn’t when he asked how long I’ve known “the lady” who brought him to the hospital. The lady is my mom. The lady is someone whom he was married to for 14 years.
It wasn’t when he asked me to get him some snacks, because the cooks in the “restaurant” were horrible and didn’t “know how to make jello.” Bobby and I went to the gift shop and stocked up on all the foods that he loves…. root beer, Fritos, and cashews. Growing up, I can’t express how many bags of Fritos we’ve shared. When we brought them to his room, I was expecting his eyes to light up… he told me he’s never tried “those things before.”
The absolute worst times of the weekend were when he had those few moments of complete clarity, and he asked what was going to happen to him.
I had no answer. I didn’t know what to say to my dad. I don’t know what is going to happen to him.
They say that when it rains, it pours, and this is just a small portion of what has been going on. I need to be kind to myself, and give my mind a break.
I love the Healthy Living community. I have made amazing friends who I cherish so much, and I am so thankful for.
… but part of “healthy living” is giving yourself the permission to “turn off” once in a while. My brain feels like it’s going, going, going at all times… and something has got to give.
I’m overwhelmed.
I’ve been an emotional wreck, and it’s not healthy. Right now I need to focus on what is important. My family and my amazing husband who has done every single thing (and given me more hugs than I thought possible over a weeks time) to help ease this blow.
I can’t say if or when I’ll be back to posting, but right now, I need to stay true to my healthy living philosophy and work on not just my body, but my mind as well.
…. and *cue* my tears….. 
Alyssa -
As I sit here and read this this morning, before I head out the door – my eyes became heavy and tears began to form. I wish I had words that could provide you with comfort, but words are failing me. All I can say is how terribly sorry I am and that I will be praying for you and your family – for strength, for understanding, for health.
I am so thankful for your honest writing, for reminding us all to be grateful for all we have, EVERYDAY – as it all can change so quickly. We truly can only take things one day at a time and be appreciative of all.
Always remember you have a family of readers and bloggers and a support system here and we will still be here once you are ready to return.
Praying for you!
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU Emily. Your prayers and well wishes mean so much.
This breaks my heart! I am so sorry for this to be happening to your family. I hope that with each day things become a little easier. So sorry.
I’m at loss of words.I wish I had the right words to say or could tell you “ive been there before”, but I don’t. I don’t want to sit here & lie to you and tell you “things will get better” because I have no idea. Just please continue trusting in God, and know he won’t let you down. Things may be harder than usual, but you are such a beautiful and strong woman with an amazing husband hunnie. Try to smile, and know that were all hear for you. If you ever just need to vent, don’t EVER hesitate to e-mail me “jessiejoshua21@yahoo.com”. My prayers & love are with you & your family during this sadden time in your lives.
Thank you Jessie… your kind words mean the world.
be thinking of you, love! do what’s right for you, you’ll have everyone’s support whether you’re posting or not
I am sorry to hear this news. I have only been reading your blog for a short time, but I love your outlook on life. I will keep you in my prayers. I want to have something uplifting and bright to say to you, but it just doesn’t seem right. This is a hard time for you and your family. Do what is right for you. Take the time for yourself. Stay strong!
Thank you for your understanding and kind words
I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad and that you’re going through such a hard time. All you can do is your best and it sounds like you’re doing just that by stepping back and taking care of yourself and your family first. Keep your head up and know that there are lots of people in the “healthy living” community who will be thinking and praying for you and your family.
My heart is heavy this morning after reading your post. I wish the best for you and your family. Take your time – do what you need to do for you! The blogging community will always be here when you want to come back. You’ll be missed!
Thank you
There are no words that I can give you right now… I would love to give you some comfort or strength, or even just a smile. I can’t even imagine what you are going through. I have only been reading your blog for a short while, but have come to look forward to an update! I love your honesty, humor, and positive outlook on life! I will miss your posts but am glad that you are doing what is best for yourself and your family. Know that lots of love and good vibes are being sent your way and that the blogging community is supporting you and will be awaiting your return! Keep yur head up
Thank you Brittany… your good vibes and support mean so much!
Sending positive thoughts, prayers and good juju to you, your dad, and your whole family.
Oh, Alyssa, I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. As young as you are, and as young as your dad is, this must be incredibly difficult for your family. Thank you for being so honest and for sharing your story — you don’t need to feel bad for putting your feelings into words! I will be thinking about and praying for you. The blogging community will still be here if you need us!
I’m sorry to hear this and that you have to go through this.
Just remember you had a lot of people here for you and supporting you. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your story.
I wouldnt do anything that stresses you out any further! Don’t worry about every food decision or workout, a little while of backing off won’t hurt you in the long run at all. Mental health is just as important, if not more important! I am so sorry about your dad, I can not imagine. But it is great you don’t have to go through this alone and your family is being supportive!
I am so sorry lovely, this just breaks my heart. I know there is nothing I can really say because this is an emotional time. Take as much time for you, rely on your supports and give yourself a break. I will be thinking and praying for you and your family!
Thank you for your prayers and thoughts Alex!
It can be really tough dealing with all of the emotions that come with an ill parent, but you are doing the right thing. We will all still be here when you back and we will welcome you with open arms. You, your heart, your mind…they all belong with your family right now. My prayers are with your family.
~Cat
I am so sorry. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I wish your family all the luck in the world. Thinking of you and your family.
I’ll be praying for you and your family. You are doing the right thing for you, and that’s admirable. Take it easy and remember you have support from all sides. =)
Oh girl I’m so sorry to hear about what your family is going through
I’ll be sure to keep you, your dad, and your whole family in my prayers.
So sorry to hear about this, Alyssa. You and your family are definitely in my thoughts.
Hi Alyssa, I know what you are going through my dad was diagnosed with parkinsons 18 years ago and i saw him deteriate before my eyes. he passes away two weeks ago at age 59. It is avterrible thing when your parents are diagnosed wirh incurable diseases. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. hang in there.
I wish you and your family the best!
I am so sorry. I will be thinking of you and your family. Take all the time you need.
Words really seem silly right now. But I’m praying for you and your family, Alyssa. I’m going to pray right now, the second I stop typing . Love you, girl.
Alyssa, I am praying for you and your family. I am so sorry you have to go through this – I can’t imagine how difficult it must be. We (the blogging world) are here for you!
What sad news on so many levels. We’ll be here when you need us, and until then we’ll be thinking of you and your family.
Alyssa, I am so so sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself and I totally agree with you about turning off and nurturing yourself through this. My boss’ mom was diagnosed with alzeheimers in her late 50s…she’s in her late 60s now and doing well, but I know how difficult it was for her family, especially in the beginning of her diagnosis. Sending you good thoughts and prayers!
Have you looked into changing his diet. Look into the work of ray peat. I have heard many people with very bad Alzheimer’s recover dramatically following Ray’s science. Keep a open mind.
I don’t know you but feel your pain..my dad went through the same thing last year at 64 and has since passed. There is a rare brain disease called cjd. Please research it. They thought my dad had dementia..but when he was unable to balance and his equilibrium was thrown off…we knew it was something more. Your dad might actually have dementia…but I thought id share. Sending prayers….very difficult time.
I still have your blog on my home page – wishfully thinking I’ll see an update!
I hope you and your family are having a wonderful Thanksgiving!
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